Perspire About the Little Things

Keep in Mind How Much is Riding on this Seemingly Small Decision

2008-07-29T14:26:00.000+04:30

Similar to the way we teach ourselves to imagine the worst possible outcome, keeping in mind how much is riding on this seemingly small decision is an exercise in understanding how choices we make NOW affect events waaaay down the road.

If you're like most people, you agonize over what to wear. It's almost funny, because people get dressed every day, sometimes more than once, and it's rare that we find ourselves judging someone harshly on their choice of one pair of khaki slacks over another, or for picking the scarf that is just a tetch too burgundy, when what's wanted is crimson. So it may seem as though choosing an outfit is a small thing, really, and not to be worried about. However, in this case, go with your instincts.

To use the khakis example: you might be thinking of wearing the same pair two days in a row; after all, they look just like the other ones and they're somewhat more comfortable. But let's say you DO wear them again, and you happen to run into a guy at work who noticed which ones you were wearing yesterday because he, too, was sporting that brand of trousers. Let's also say that on Day One you had coincidentally left work at the same time as this man's fiancée, who had made some excuse to him about going out with her girlfriends for the night, and that when he had tried to call her kind of late, someone had picked up the phone and slammed it down again immediately. And let's say that you had, totally randomly, come in to work at the same time as the fiancée on Day Two -- in fact, you'd held the door for her on your way in. And let's say that your insanely jealous colleague observed this both times, and jumps to an almost unbelievably paranoid conclusion: that you are, in fact, one of his fiancée's girlfriends. Now, you may BE a woman. Women can wear khakis, can't they? All right, then. Just keep in mind how much is riding on this seemingly small decision.

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Remember What You Owe

2008-07-25T14:25:00.000+04:30

As I write this strategy, it's nine-thirty at night. Downstairs on the dining table is a small stack of bills. I don't need to open them; I know that the cable television costs about $48 per month, the DSL Internet connection is about $30, the electricity runs about $40-50, the nominal rent for our house-sit arrangement is $275, the lab tests for the baby's jaundice (he's fine, thanks) are usually around $10, the credit cards are, well, they're up there, the gym is $81, the car payment is north of $400, I need to make a payment to the overdraft protection on my checking account, some money's going to come out of my next paycheck for the health benefits they screwed up and didn't take out this time, and we need to set aside money to pay a broker's fee so we can get a new apartment. Oh, and the storage for our stuff is around $300. And the move. Anything else? Oh, yes, that's right, it's March: taxes.

In addition, there are still three or four birth announcements to mail; a gift basket to send as thanks for hooking us up with this house-sitting arrangement; $15 for my friend's sunglasses that I accidentally took with me when I visited him in Denver last August; two baby gifts to send to new parents we know; some goodbye emails need to go to colleagues who were laid off; David's birthday passed and I haven't bought him his customary martini; and the cat needs a rabies shot.

My situation is typical. We are such social creatures that it's rare to pass through life without owing SOMETHING. You can spend all day thinking about what you owe, be it money, obligations, or simple gratitude you're too busy to express. If you get started early in the day, this engaging pastime can help you through the morning lull, the lunchtime slump, and the afternoon trough.

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Think of Who Handled Your Food

2008-07-22T14:25:00.000+04:30

Remember those great hidden-camera programs that show the awful things that go on in restaurant kitchens? What about the tell-all articles describing conditions in meatpacking plants? Maybe you worked in the food industry at some point, and have some hair-raising stories to tell. In any case, you can always spend some quality time concentrating on who handled your food.

Food comes a long way before it gets to your plate. I remember a great piece in the Daily News about how homeless men were cutting up onions out on a sidewalk in front of the place on the West Side where the pushcarts come from. It sounded pretty gross. Anyway, a fun game to play is to look at something you're about to eat (or remember something you already ate) and see if you can guess the number of people who actually touched it. Now try to picture them ALL washing their hands in hot, soapy water just before touching your food. It doesn't work, does it? What are the odds?

Play this game once or twice, and you'll be done with breakfast and back to work in no time!

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Always Find a Way to Get the Last Word

2008-07-18T14:23:00.000+04:30

"The Last Word." For many, the last word is a fabled prize, like the Golden Fleece of the Argonauts. For those people, some of whom are quite popular, getting the last word is a near-obsession. They plan for it and store up a ready supply of rejoinders and come-backs, along with non-sequiturs that can neatly cap any discourse while they make their escape (the oft-quoted "technically that's illegal" comes to mind). This practice is essential if you want to be remembered after everyone's finished talking.

There is something compelling about putting your mark on a conversation, topping a quip, or being the one to finish the argument. Suppose, for instance, that a nuclear war happens right after you finish speaking. If you've had the last word, you might have had the Last Word.

Of course, that's an extreme case. A nuclear war probably won't happen.

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Get Concerned About Rankings

2008-07-15T14:21:00.000+04:30

One of the most frightening things about life can be not knowing where you stand. And one of the best ways to improve your life is to remove that fear by learning everything there is to know about rankings.

Start with the simplest rankings. Is your town's sports team number one? If so, then your town is better than all other towns. Now, try to figure out where you stand in comparison to your fellow-citizens. Look to the simple indicators (many are already listed under "compare yourself to your betters"): car quality, lawn greenness, number of possessions, children's grades, salary, spousal appearance, employment status, corporate title, age (neither too much nor too little). Calculate your rank in each factor, and use the cumulative average (you can weight it, if you like -- perhaps for you, having an attractive husband is more important than having an honor-student kid) to figure out your own ranking and the ranks of those around you.

The idea is not to necessarily ever KNOW precisely where you stand, since that can change at the drop of a hat. But DO consider your current rank at all times; you'll always have a rough idea, and can adjust it upwards or downwards based on changing circumstances. If someone at work gets laid off, you move up one rank!

If you practice thinking about rankings enough, you'll be amazed at how secure you feel.

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Stick with What You’re Used To

2008-07-11T14:20:00.000+04:30

The other day a friend of mine was given a choice of two restaurants to visit on a first date. She had been to one of the two before, but had never even heard of the second place. The familiar one had decent food, although it was nothing to write home about. She chose to go there again, and had a reasonably nice outing. This time, the dish she ordered was actually a little better than the last time she'd ordered it.

Sticking with what you're used to is a key way to avoid unpleasant surprises. Even if what happens as a result IS unpleasant, at least you've dealt with it before and can be prepared. In the above example, my friend stuck with what she knew, and nothing much happened at all. She was smart, and you should be too, next time you have a choice to make or are considering some kind of change.

Employing this strategy is a terrific way to save time and energy. Here's how it works: scientists know that repeating the same behavior over and over can actually create structures in the brain that make the behavior easier each time it is practiced. Because of these special brain structures, your decisions can become reflexive and simple, freeing your mind up for much more important tasks, and the risk of failure is reduced measurably. Imagine never having to enter an unfamiliar store, meet a potentially unpleasant new neighbor, or make love with a possibly more boring lover! Instead, your daily routine is determined by what worked best for you last time, and you can move along the road of life with your wheels safely guided by channels in the metaphorical pavement. You'll find your path down life's highway is much less chaotic if you use these comforting "ruts" to navigate safely.

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Worry About Vermin

2008-07-08T14:19:00.000+04:30

Like germs, vermin come in many shapes and sizes, and they can be a fruitful source of time-gobbling uneasiness. There's a saying about mice that also applies to cockroaches: "for every one you see, there's ten in the walls." Let me add to that: "for every mouse you don't see, there's probably one in the wall."

So unfetter your mind, and picture all those scrabbling feet tracking hantavirus and plague into your home. Just because you don't have vermin now doesn't mean you can't be aware of the possibility. They could show up at any time, really. Best bet is to prepare yourself by getting used to the idea.

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Compare Yourself to Your Betters

2008-07-04T14:19:00.000+04:30

This is really a two-step process. First, you have to identify your betters. There are dozens of ways to measure quality in people, and some simple social yardsticks might come in handy. Look at appearance, salary, family name, square footage of housing, or appearance of spouse, for starters. Once you've identified those who seem better adjusted, more popular and successful, or happier than yourself, start comparing yourself to them on as many levels as possible.

You probably have a sense that you are just as good as anyone, no matter how they stack up on the silly measures that society deems important. Test that theory by honestly assessing yourself as compared to these spectacular, "highly effective" people. You're not really quite as good, are you -- even when you discount their wealth, luck, rock-hard abs, and nice car. There's just something else there; they have it, and you don't.

Of course, you might not find this to be the case. Good for you!

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Research Past Opportunities that Would Have Paid Off Big

2008-07-01T14:18:00.000+04:30

If there's one thing I hate, it's hearing "and if he'd've held onto it, he'd be rich today!" and not knowing exactly what stock or other investment is being discussed, and whether, if I had gotten in on it and stayed in for the long haul, I would be rich, too.

There is a better way, but it requires some legwork. Check the newspaper for securities that are doing well, or industries that have sprung up overnight, or a once-decrepit neighborhood that now has a thriving nightlife, skyrocketing property values, and several boutiques catering to hip millionaires. Then do some research to see just how little you would have had to lay out in order to get in on the ground floor and be on easy street now.

Don't limit yourself to the financial. There are plenty of ways that, if you had just put in the time, paid the appropriate compliment, worn the right shirt, or scratched off the correct number, you might today be enjoying all kinds of luxuries, attention, and super-high self esteem.

Practice this strategy, and the benefits will become apparent almost immediately. Never again will you have to hear about some sucker who didn't make it big when she had the chance, without knowing just how unfortunate that person is. In fact, you probably know TEN opportunities that were just as big or bigger. If only you had capitalized on them.

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Realize That What You Have Is Somewhat Crappy

2008-06-27T14:20:00.004+04:30

One of the biggest failings of Western civilization is the fixation on accumulating possessions. People spend their whole lives striving to get the most, biggest, loudest, and shiniest items, often sacrificing what's really important in their quest for the largest collection of toys. So, this liberating strategy begins with a simple, rational assessment of your possessions: the truth is, most of what you have is somewhat crappy.

The first couple of times you try this simple exercise, you may be surprised to find yourself a little depressed! I promise that this feeling will soon fade once you start to see the opportunities inherent in having crappy things. After all, you can aspire to replace them.

If you're like me, you probably receive a lot of catalogues or magazines containing images of happy, fulfilled people reclining on incredibly modish furniture and sipping the latest infused beverages prepared in the hottest specialized brushed-stainless appliance. Doubtless this machine (it probably has a European name) sits pristine on an expansive kitchen counter, bathed in plenty of natural light. There might even be a vase of tulips near it. Now take a look around your own dingy place with the hairline crack along the wall and the cushions losing their stuffing and the white ring from where Elliot put the hot mug right on the wood. Now imagine how that appliance would look there instead. Nice.

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Picture the Way You Look to Others

2008-06-24T14:03:00.002+04:30

Many of us go about our daily lives very conscious of how other people look -- too fat or too thin, overly sloppy or fastidiously neat, foppish or hopelessly out-of-date -- and almost completely unaware of something just as important: how we look to other people.

Concentrating on the impression you make is a great way to get perspective on yourself. This strategy has helped many people modulate their tone, subdue their opinions, suck in their stomachs, work out until exhausted, undergo breast and penile enlargements, get tummy tucks, collagen injections, and Botox treatments, or take the sleep cure. Some of these people might never have sought the medical care they needed without a healthy, realistic understanding of how they appeared to other people.

So get used to seeing yourself through other peoples' eyes. Pick a few people (for instance, you might choose your boss, an acquaintance who always seems "together," and someone you have a crush on) and begin imagining how your behavior and appearance look to them. In a little while you'll develop a handy "second sight," where your every action, pose, or outfit is seen through this discerning filter. If you feel self-conscious, good! You'll probably impress them. You might even start to feel better about yourself.

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Transfer Your Anger to Someone Less Fortunate

2008-06-20T14:22:00.002+04:30

Sometimes when we get angry, there's an almost instinctive reflex to delve into the cause and try to put our feelings into perspective. This behavior, although it may feel natural because of long practice, has the disadvantage of taking up a lot of time and energy. In the most extreme cases, people may work so hard to find the roots of their personal rage that it becomes almost a hobby.

If anger wasn't useful, evolution would have done away with it long ago. So let your anger work. The best way is to immediately redirect it, and the easiest way to do this is to find someone less fortunate than you and focus your anger on him or her.

It helps if you're already feeling a little guilty about the person's hardship; for instance, a handicapped person moving very slowly in a store or on the sidewalk makes an ideal target for your unspoken rage. Or a poor person, asking you for money or food while you're busy. Perhaps it's someone who just isn't as good-looking or well off as you -- in any case, as soon as you encounter one of these people, tap into your anger and let yourself truly feel, for once. Again, this strategy works best if you don't EXPRESS your anger. Letting it simmer while you mentally itemize the detailed reasons why you're angry at this particular person makes for a longer-lasting, more therapeutic session.

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Think About All the Germs

2008-06-17T14:21:00.002+04:30

When it comes to perspiring about the little things, some people choose to focus on the littlest things of all: all the germs.

Science tells us that germs are virtually everywhere, all the time. When someone gets sick, you always hear that their horrific illness was caused by "common bacteria that exist in the environment all the time." What a scary environment! So what can you do? Nothing, except keep in mind that those germs are surrounding you even now. See the period at the end of that last sentence? Germs are so small and so numerous that there are probably something like ten thousand huddled on that period alone. Plus on that one.

If you remember the germs, you'll find that you can use them to focus your attention any time there's nothing else going on. Don't worry if you don't practice this skill more than once or twice a day. It's not like all those germs are going anywhere!

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Imagine the Worst Possible Outcome

2008-06-13T14:25:00.001+04:30

The other morning I had to decide whether to put my son in daycare or quit my job to parent him. It was clear that if I put him in daycare, he would be sold before night fell on the first day (after contracting pleurisy and scarlet fever) and return years later, scarred, angry, armed, and vengeful. On the other hand, if I were to quit my job, then my wife would get laid off, our health benefits would fail, and we would have to sell the boy ourselves just to get by. Years later, he would return…

Imagining the worst possible outcome can be its own full-time job, if you do it right. You don't need to concentrate on weighty matters, either. Something as simple as the route you take home from the grocery store can be a source of long deliberation and false starts, eventually leading to white-knuckle fear when you finally settle on the series of streets that leads to certain death. With a lot of practice, this strategy can induce a kind of soothing "paralysis." Eventually, even inaction can seem like the wrong move.

If you find yourself having trouble imagining really bad, original outcomes, scan the newspaper for tragic stories featuring gruesome deaths or disfigurements. Starting with a mental picture from the news, envision the series of events that might lead you to that same place. Before too long, you'll feel that relaxing muscle lock in every limb, and selecting the right muffin from the breakfast cart will become very, very important.

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Hit Snooze, and Lose

2008-06-10T14:18:00.001+04:30

Every time you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock, you lose five to seven minutes of your life. But don't let that stop you! Burrow down into the covers for little more well-earned rest. Isn't it warmer, and nicer, and easier in there? Sure it is.

On many alarm clocks, you can hit snooze indefinitely.

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Replay the Scene with You as the Winner

2008-06-06T14:19:00.002+04:30

Many of the strategies in this blog are not at all difficult to master. I perform a lot of them reflexively, and it wasn't until I started writing that I saw the immense profit to be had from explaining them to others. For instance, you probably already know how to replay a scene with yourself as the winner. It's a simple mental trick to insulate yourself against the sinking feeling of having been publicly bested by someone less interesting, attractive, or funny than you. Honing this natural ability creates a very powerful tool. You can practice right now.

Start by remembering a time when someone emerged from a situation looking better than you. Maybe it was at a bar, and one of your irritatingly slick coworkers horned in on the conversation you were having with Jeff's assistant, Mary Anne. And this coworker (we'll call him "Allen") turned to you at one point and imperiously gestured at you as if at a Caribbean resort and demanded that you fetch another round of margaritas. Somehow it fit in with the conversation -- perhaps you had all jokingly taken on different personas at a past Christmas party and occasionally people still call you "Miguel Hernandez," and maybe Allen was trying to play this up by turning your character into some kind of waiter (when in fact the whole point of Miguel Hernandez was that he was a direct political descendant of Emiliano Zapata, a hero to the disenfranchised, but of course that type of involved social engagement that you can access even in making up stupid characters over oysters at a Christmas party is completely lost on this gel-haired asshole) -- but you instantly felt a rush of shame, and it didn't help that Mary Anne and Allen and Mary Anne's college friend Dana who just came out with you guys at the last minute all cracked up, and you tried desperately to think of something clever to say that would preserve your dignity (but that would also make sure you got another margarita into Mary Anne, or, as a backup, into Dana), and came up with a faltering line about fetching a round of "the peoples'" margaritas which no one understood and which you delivered in an accent that sounded too much like a bad Desi Arnez impression, before you toddled off to get some more drinks.

Hit pause. Rewind a bit. Take it right back to where Allen gestures at you and starts to make his demand for another round. Then replay the scene with YOU as the winner. It would help, for instance, if you knew some Spanish. If you could say "alcohol is merely a tool used to subjugate the masses" in Spanish, it would probably be very impressive. Or maybe you could realize that Mary Anne's drink was empty, and beat Allen to the punch. Remember his Christmas party character? It was something unbelievably stupid…what was it…oh, right the Michelin Man. What the hell is that about anyway? Whatever -- you could at that moment turn to him and say "Hey, Michelin Man, why don't you roll on over to the bar and grab us another round," and pull out some cash to pay, sort of implying that he might not be able to cover it! Who's the loser NOW? Better yet, why have Allen show up at all? This is YOUR mental video. Maybe it's just you and Mary Anne out at that bar, and maybe you're charming, sensitive, funny, and maybe, just maybe, she understands instinctually that Miguel Hernandez isn't just about revolt and politics, but that he is also compelled by the preciousness and perilousness of existence to be a consummate lover. Maybe Dana's there, too. You're the director.

That's just one example. As you can see, it goes well beyond esprit d'escalier -- that great line that occurs to you just after you leave the party. As a strategy, it requires that you see life as a series of wins and losses. When you get your way, you win. When you're the one who makes the hilarious joke, you are victorious. When you get the last word, you become a special kind of champion. By replaying every scene with yourself as the winner, you'll never feel defeated again.

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Imagine Slights

2008-06-03T14:30:00.002+04:30

Because we are human, we often find ourselves at odds with other people. This is perfectly natural. In fact, it seems to be the case more often than not. Which is why, when things seem to be going perfectly well in your daily interactions or your longer-term relationships, it should make you suspicious. At those times, it might pay to review your recent conversations and try to see where someone may have been slighting you.

This doesn't mean that you have to always walk around trying to start something. Instead, simply remember everything that someone said to you, or party invitations you've heard about secondhand, or unreturned phone calls, or great times that didn't include you, and imagine that you were insulted or excluded intentionally. Surely this is a more reasonable explanation than whatever pathetic reassurance your insulter offers, isn't it? You were out of town? Well of course you were, since no one had bothered to let you know about the concert before you bought your plane tickets.

After imagining a slight, make sure to let the person who committed it know that you know they were trying to hurt your feelings. You don't have to say anything, of course. Try to improve your communication skills by using some form of subtle, silent treatment. Combine this strategy with your daily stewing sessions to make it work best.

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Blame Others

2008-05-30T13:31:00.000+04:30

All our lives we're trained to take responsibility for our decisions, to admit when we make mistakes, and to take it upon ourselves to improve bad situations. In other words, we're trained to blame ourselves. This strategy will help you reverse your insidious training, and remove the guilt you feel when things don't go right. Repeat after me: it's not your fault.

Instead of feeling guilty all the time, find out who IS responsible, and blame them. You can blame silently, or you can blame the person him or her self, or you can tell other people about that person's faults. It doesn't really matter how you do it, just so long as the responsible party is singled out (at least in your mind) and the guilt laid firmly at his or her feet. Soon you'll begin to truly feel the liberation of not being the problem. You'll feel greater solidarity with everyone else who's not responsible, too. It'll be like your own club.

Sometimes, however, you might find yourself in the midst of a problem that has spiraled out of control, and you might not be able to pinpoint precisely whose fault it is! In cases like these, don't be a slave to strict cause and effect analysis. Perhaps your parents, your first grade teacher, those damned kids, or the French are NOT to blame for this particular incident. But then again, maybe they are. Blaming them is the safest course.

Practice Saying “If Only...”

2008-05-27T14:29:00.001+04:30

In many ways, this strategy is the most important one on this blog. If you can become adept at saying "if only," you can imagine your way to better realities. Better than the "real" one, that is.

For instance, sometimes in the mornings I'll wake up and step outside my front door. Then I'll walk down the hallway of my apartment building, down the gray-painted stairwell, across the lobby, through the glass doors and out onto the concrete sidewalk, where I can stand under a nice tree. "If only I had a porch," I'll say to myself.

It's not just about the present. Try these: "If only I'd gotten a 1200 on my SATs." "If only I'd accepted that job at the architecture firm." "If only I didn't have to pay my taxes." Aren't these situations better than your current one? Feel free to immerse yourself in these positive thoughts. Pretty soon you'll be saying "if only I'd started saying 'If only' sooner!"

Sigh Even Louder

2008-05-27T14:19:00.000+04:30

I was introduced to this strategy recently when I read about it in one of my favorite publications. All too often, our gentle sighs of resignation go unheard, and we find ourselves as frustrated as ever, not having communicated how we feel.

So sigh louder. If your dissatisfaction is real, don't be shy about letting someone in the next cubicle hear it. Words are often imprecise and can be interpreted in many different ways, but a heavy sigh, dredged up from the depths of an unfulfilled soul, is a surprisingly clear message. Making a slight "tsk" sound just before heaving your mammoth sigh sometimes helps.

Honk That Horn!

2008-05-23T14:40:00.000+04:30

Done correctly, even a short drive can be a rich source of material to reflect upon later in the day. I sometimes carry a pad with me in the car so that I can remember particular moments that might otherwise slip away. And I've also found that a great way to help remember a particular driver or incident is to use your horn decisively, firmly, and often.

A "friendly tap" may be all you need to make sure someone sees you, but a prolonged abrasive honk really signals your displeasure, and can actually help the other driver think about what he or she has done wrong. That's the key thing, here -- you are helping others while releasing the tension of being crammed into your car, probably heading to a job that is in no way related to the career you always imagined. Honnnk! Hooonnnnnk!

It is almost impossible to "burn out" or "use up" an automobile's horn. On the contrary, this important safety device should be exercised frequently to make sure it's in working order.

Get Out of the Slow Lane

2008-05-23T14:30:00.000+04:30

Let's face it -- we've all been stuck in traffic, especially leading up to a toll plaza, and been 100% convinced that our lane is the slowest. We dither, waffle, and shilly-shally about whether or not to switch to the next lane over, which is clearly moving faster than ours. Look at that Range Rover, for god's sake -- the guy is already three cars ahead, and you pulled into your lane before he even GOT here!

The truth is, the other lanes are faster. You're not some idiot who got his license yesterday; it's a simple observation. Trust your instincts; those other cars are moving faster. Your toll attendant must be retiring or something -- maybe it's the really chatty one you seem to always get.

So get the hell out of that slow lane. If you can create a little "competition" with the cars around you, this becomes more rewarding. Decide on the cars you're going to get between, and start edging over. Try not to make eye contact with the other drivers…let your car do the talking. They'll get it. If you get halfway over and some roadhog doesn't want to let you in, you can turn on your blinker, and your righteous indignation with it. Then gun the motor and slot yourself neatly into the space that will magically open up (if they hit you from behind, they're 100% at fault, insurance-wise). After this maneuver, make sure to hit the brake pretty quickly, since you'll have accelerated a bit to get in there. Ahh.

Now take stock. Isn't it nice, here in the fastest lane?

Say “You’re Welcome” in a Sarcastic Tone of Voice when Someone Fails to Thank You

2008-05-20T14:37:00.000+04:30

A great way to relieve the stress of unacknowledged effort is to forcefully remind the beneficiary of your assistance that they not only owe you gratitude, but that they are rude. And nothing does that better than a snide, withering "You're welcome" after someone fails to thank you.

It's important that this be done right. Timing is vital -- don't wait too long after rendering your service, but do allow an appropriate interval for a thank you. A few seconds is enough; most people aren't going to thank you anyway. The last thing you want to do is waste even more time on this ungrateful loser.

Delivery counts, as well. You want to emphasize and elongate the "WEL" in welcome: "You're welllcome!" Inclining your head slightly and smiling widely (without revealing any teeth) is also vital. And a long, irony-laden pause finishes it off. You don't want any misunderstandings, here. This person is rude, and needs to know it.

Remember Your Adolescence

2008-05-16T14:15:00.001+04:30

"Gawky." "Loud." "Hopelessly naïve." "Acne-ridden." Psychologists tell us that our self-identity is largely formed during our teens, that special time where we are learning to be independent, exploring the boundaries of our world, and coming to terms with our adulthood. What better way, then, to get a real sense of ourselves than to call up detailed memories of our adolescence?

Sometimes I'll immerse myself in the painful memory of a specific incident: a rejection, a betrayal by a friend, a failure in school. On the other hand, I might just call up a particular face -- maybe a tormentor or a hopeless crush never acted upon. Sometimes the simple memory of the walk home from school, burning with shame, can be enough.

Dwelling on such things is a great way to get in touch with those painful emotions, and to rescue them from the dustbin of your past. They are yours, these memories, and you should treasure them. They are you.

Watch the Scale

2008-05-13T14:34:00.000+04:30

Today's magazines shamelessly plaster our visual fields with images of svelte and attractive men and women possessing ultra-fine muscle definition, blemish-free skin, and glossy hair, while most of us are quite fat, or at least somewhat flabby. One of the most effective strategies for immersing yourself in this harsh reality is to buy a very accurate scale (preferably a digital model with at least one decimal place) and to hop onto it every morning and again each night after a full day's eating and drinking.

Most people are amazed at the results. Shame, horror, denial, and lowered self-esteem are just some of the benefits of knowing your weight to the half-ounce. When it changes, look out! Tying your mood to your tiny gains is a great way to keep track of whether you should be happy or sad, in love with yourself or thinking up a really good punishment for your lack of self-control. If you lose a bit, go celebrate! Hard! (Just remember to check the scale when you get home.)

Consider Your Career

2008-05-11T01:00:00.001+04:30

I remember that, when I had a job, I would pay a great deal of attention to my daily work. Like most employed people in our society, I was very worried about whether I was doing a good job. I always got to work on time, applied myself, and hoped for approval from my supervisors. This took a lot of energy -- so much that I sometimes stopped thinking about my career.

Once you learn to consider if what you're doing is part of a decent career, you have opened a door into a new world. Are you on a good career path? Are you where you pictured yourself five years ago? Ten? Are you being true to yourself? Can you imagine yourself in thirty years looking back over your career and feeling great pride and accomplishment?

If you're like most people in our society, the answer is a resounding no. You probably spend a lot of time shuffling papers or reading lists containing bullet points. Maybe you work with food in some way. Or perhaps you have learned to find a vein and collect a blood sample really really well; you might even be known for it. You might even have earned a nickname for it, like The Phlebotomizer.

How's that career coming?

Set Aside Time, Every Day, to Stew

2008-05-11T00:53:00.000+04:30

Our society is always on the move. You might be taking the kids to school, rushing off to work, or getting stressed about a vacation; regardless, it's hard to make time for yourself while keeping up this fast pace. That's why it's important to consciously make some special time each day to just sit and stew.

This doesn't have to be a big chunk of your day. Start with just a minute or two. Put down what you're working on, or pull the car over, or just mute the television during a commercial, and ruminate over something that's bugging you. At first, you might have to wait a short time before something comes to mind, but with practice it becomes easy, and all the tiny offenses you've suffered will be right at your fingertips. Give them some airtime.

Before you know it, you'll be seeing your problems from several different angles. You might learn that you can describe them succinctly, and nail down a firm understanding of each one. Then, next time you take a few minutes to stare off into space and call up your indignation, start with the issues you've "set in stone," and you'll find they're even easier to revisit.

Introduction

2008-05-10T23:52:00.004+04:30

Life is hard. Avoiding it shouldn't have to be.

Maybe this sounds familiar. You arrive at work, boot up your computer, get coffee, hit the john, make some cereal, reboot your computer, get another coffee, eat your cereal, wash your bowl, check your personal email, check your RSS feeds, check Twitter, get another coffee, check your work email, realize you're late to a 10:00 meeting, attend the meeting, check your personal email, check Twitter, check your work email, launch Word, launch Excel, launch Adobe Acrobat, close Excel, open the Word document you were working on last, check your personal email, go to lunch.

And before you know it, the whole day may have gone by with you slaving away accomplishing things, no one thanking you, the world still on its axis, and at 4:48 or so, when you start to pack up, you think "why am I knocking myself out like this?"

There's a better way.

You can slow down.

You can get more from each moment.

And this new blog, Perspire About the Little Things, can show you how.

Instead of the scene I've just painted, imagine instead that you arrive at work and then spend a few minutes staring off into space, reliving the commute. Instead of rushing to boot up your computer, maybe you take five minutes to retrace the steps your career has taken to get you to this point -- 9:05 on a Tuesday, seething over a cluttered desk, about to switch on your electronic overlord for another mind-numbing eight hour shift churning out money for other people. Or you take a little time to reflect on how the clerk at the little coffee stand put the lid on with the sip-flap directly over the seam in the cup...why do they always do that? Are they trying to make it dribble?

When you truly focus your attention on little things like these, time takes on new character. It passes more quickly, but you get less done. No more leaping from task to task like a chinchilla on bennies. No more rushing from room to room in your mind trying to straighten tottering piles of stacked information about products and services you don't understand. No. You are focused. Deliberate. Intentional.

Because Perspire gives you the tools you need to choose how you'll kill time. Simple tips, succinctly communicated. When you start reading Perspire About the Little Things regularly and put just one or two strategies into practice, you'll be amazed at the change you'll experience. And if you incorporate them all, you'll change your whole identity.

You'll never again have to wonder where the day went, or why the report on the Jenkins account still isn't up to date, or who was your biggest enemy at summer camp that one year. Because you Perspired, you'll always know where you stand, and you'll be able to look back at the blank periods in your day -- in your week, in your year -- and know that you decided how they should be spent.

On the little things.

You have the power to change. Start today, and check back on Tuesdays and Fridays.

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