Similar to the way we teach ourselves to imagine the worst possible outcome, keeping in mind how much is riding on this seemingly small decision is an exercise in understanding how choices we make NOW affect events waaaay down the road.
If you're like most people, you agonize over what to wear. It's almost funny, because people get dressed every day, sometimes more than once, and it's rare that we find ourselves judging someone harshly on their choice of one pair of khaki slacks over another, or for picking the scarf that is just a tetch too burgundy, when what's wanted is crimson. So it may seem as though choosing an outfit is a small thing, really, and not to be worried about. However, in this case, go with your instincts.
To use the khakis example: you might be thinking of wearing the same pair two days in a row; after all, they look just like the other ones and they're somewhat more comfortable. But let's say you DO wear them again, and you happen to run into a guy at work who noticed which ones you were wearing yesterday because he, too, was sporting that brand of trousers. Let's also say that on Day One you had coincidentally left work at the same time as this man's fiancée, who had made some excuse to him about going out with her girlfriends for the night, and that when he had tried to call her kind of late, someone had picked up the phone and slammed it down again immediately. And let's say that you had, totally randomly, come in to work at the same time as the fiancée on Day Two -- in fact, you'd held the door for her on your way in. And let's say that your insanely jealous colleague observed this both times, and jumps to an almost unbelievably paranoid conclusion: that you are, in fact, one of his fiancée's girlfriends. Now, you may BE a woman. Women can wear khakis, can't they? All right, then. Just keep in mind how much is riding on this seemingly small decision.
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7.29.2008
7.25.2008
Remember What You Owe
As I write this strategy, it's nine-thirty at night. Downstairs on the dining table is a small stack of bills. I don't need to open them; I know that the cable television costs about $48 per month, the DSL Internet connection is about $30, the electricity runs about $40-50, the nominal rent for our house-sit arrangement is $275, the lab tests for the baby's jaundice (he's fine, thanks) are usually around $10, the credit cards are, well, they're up there, the gym is $81, the car payment is north of $400, I need to make a payment to the overdraft protection on my checking account, some money's going to come out of my next paycheck for the health benefits they screwed up and didn't take out this time, and we need to set aside money to pay a broker's fee so we can get a new apartment. Oh, and the storage for our stuff is around $300. And the move. Anything else? Oh, yes, that's right, it's March: taxes.
In addition, there are still three or four birth announcements to mail; a gift basket to send as thanks for hooking us up with this house-sitting arrangement; $15 for my friend's sunglasses that I accidentally took with me when I visited him in Denver last August; two baby gifts to send to new parents we know; some goodbye emails need to go to colleagues who were laid off; David's birthday passed and I haven't bought him his customary martini; and the cat needs a rabies shot.
My situation is typical. We are such social creatures that it's rare to pass through life without owing SOMETHING. You can spend all day thinking about what you owe, be it money, obligations, or simple gratitude you're too busy to express. If you get started early in the day, this engaging pastime can help you through the morning lull, the lunchtime slump, and the afternoon trough.
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In addition, there are still three or four birth announcements to mail; a gift basket to send as thanks for hooking us up with this house-sitting arrangement; $15 for my friend's sunglasses that I accidentally took with me when I visited him in Denver last August; two baby gifts to send to new parents we know; some goodbye emails need to go to colleagues who were laid off; David's birthday passed and I haven't bought him his customary martini; and the cat needs a rabies shot.
My situation is typical. We are such social creatures that it's rare to pass through life without owing SOMETHING. You can spend all day thinking about what you owe, be it money, obligations, or simple gratitude you're too busy to express. If you get started early in the day, this engaging pastime can help you through the morning lull, the lunchtime slump, and the afternoon trough.
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7.22.2008
Think of Who Handled Your Food
Remember those great hidden-camera programs that show the awful things that go on in restaurant kitchens? What about the tell-all articles describing conditions in meatpacking plants? Maybe you worked in the food industry at some point, and have some hair-raising stories to tell. In any case, you can always spend some quality time concentrating on who handled your food.
Food comes a long way before it gets to your plate. I remember a great piece in the Daily News about how homeless men were cutting up onions out on a sidewalk in front of the place on the West Side where the pushcarts come from. It sounded pretty gross. Anyway, a fun game to play is to look at something you're about to eat (or remember something you already ate) and see if you can guess the number of people who actually touched it. Now try to picture them ALL washing their hands in hot, soapy water just before touching your food. It doesn't work, does it? What are the odds?
Play this game once or twice, and you'll be done with breakfast and back to work in no time!
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Food comes a long way before it gets to your plate. I remember a great piece in the Daily News about how homeless men were cutting up onions out on a sidewalk in front of the place on the West Side where the pushcarts come from. It sounded pretty gross. Anyway, a fun game to play is to look at something you're about to eat (or remember something you already ate) and see if you can guess the number of people who actually touched it. Now try to picture them ALL washing their hands in hot, soapy water just before touching your food. It doesn't work, does it? What are the odds?
Play this game once or twice, and you'll be done with breakfast and back to work in no time!
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7.18.2008
Always Find a Way to Get the Last Word
"The Last Word." For many, the last word is a fabled prize, like the Golden Fleece of the Argonauts. For those people, some of whom are quite popular, getting the last word is a near-obsession. They plan for it and store up a ready supply of rejoinders and come-backs, along with non-sequiturs that can neatly cap any discourse while they make their escape (the oft-quoted "technically that's illegal" comes to mind). This practice is essential if you want to be remembered after everyone's finished talking.
There is something compelling about putting your mark on a conversation, topping a quip, or being the one to finish the argument. Suppose, for instance, that a nuclear war happens right after you finish speaking. If you've had the last word, you might have had the Last Word.
Of course, that's an extreme case. A nuclear war probably won't happen.
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There is something compelling about putting your mark on a conversation, topping a quip, or being the one to finish the argument. Suppose, for instance, that a nuclear war happens right after you finish speaking. If you've had the last word, you might have had the Last Word.
Of course, that's an extreme case. A nuclear war probably won't happen.
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7.15.2008
Get Concerned About Rankings
One of the most frightening things about life can be not knowing where you stand. And one of the best ways to improve your life is to remove that fear by learning everything there is to know about rankings.
Start with the simplest rankings. Is your town's sports team number one? If so, then your town is better than all other towns. Now, try to figure out where you stand in comparison to your fellow-citizens. Look to the simple indicators (many are already listed under "compare yourself to your betters"): car quality, lawn greenness, number of possessions, children's grades, salary, spousal appearance, employment status, corporate title, age (neither too much nor too little). Calculate your rank in each factor, and use the cumulative average (you can weight it, if you like -- perhaps for you, having an attractive husband is more important than having an honor-student kid) to figure out your own ranking and the ranks of those around you.
The idea is not to necessarily ever KNOW precisely where you stand, since that can change at the drop of a hat. But DO consider your current rank at all times; you'll always have a rough idea, and can adjust it upwards or downwards based on changing circumstances. If someone at work gets laid off, you move up one rank!
If you practice thinking about rankings enough, you'll be amazed at how secure you feel.
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Start with the simplest rankings. Is your town's sports team number one? If so, then your town is better than all other towns. Now, try to figure out where you stand in comparison to your fellow-citizens. Look to the simple indicators (many are already listed under "compare yourself to your betters"): car quality, lawn greenness, number of possessions, children's grades, salary, spousal appearance, employment status, corporate title, age (neither too much nor too little). Calculate your rank in each factor, and use the cumulative average (you can weight it, if you like -- perhaps for you, having an attractive husband is more important than having an honor-student kid) to figure out your own ranking and the ranks of those around you.
The idea is not to necessarily ever KNOW precisely where you stand, since that can change at the drop of a hat. But DO consider your current rank at all times; you'll always have a rough idea, and can adjust it upwards or downwards based on changing circumstances. If someone at work gets laid off, you move up one rank!
If you practice thinking about rankings enough, you'll be amazed at how secure you feel.
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7.11.2008
Stick with What You’re Used To
The other day a friend of mine was given a choice of two restaurants to visit on a first date. She had been to one of the two before, but had never even heard of the second place. The familiar one had decent food, although it was nothing to write home about. She chose to go there again, and had a reasonably nice outing. This time, the dish she ordered was actually a little better than the last time she'd ordered it.
Sticking with what you're used to is a key way to avoid unpleasant surprises. Even if what happens as a result IS unpleasant, at least you've dealt with it before and can be prepared. In the above example, my friend stuck with what she knew, and nothing much happened at all. She was smart, and you should be too, next time you have a choice to make or are considering some kind of change.
Employing this strategy is a terrific way to save time and energy. Here's how it works: scientists know that repeating the same behavior over and over can actually create structures in the brain that make the behavior easier each time it is practiced. Because of these special brain structures, your decisions can become reflexive and simple, freeing your mind up for much more important tasks, and the risk of failure is reduced measurably. Imagine never having to enter an unfamiliar store, meet a potentially unpleasant new neighbor, or make love with a possibly more boring lover! Instead, your daily routine is determined by what worked best for you last time, and you can move along the road of life with your wheels safely guided by channels in the metaphorical pavement. You'll find your path down life's highway is much less chaotic if you use these comforting "ruts" to navigate safely.
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Sticking with what you're used to is a key way to avoid unpleasant surprises. Even if what happens as a result IS unpleasant, at least you've dealt with it before and can be prepared. In the above example, my friend stuck with what she knew, and nothing much happened at all. She was smart, and you should be too, next time you have a choice to make or are considering some kind of change.
Employing this strategy is a terrific way to save time and energy. Here's how it works: scientists know that repeating the same behavior over and over can actually create structures in the brain that make the behavior easier each time it is practiced. Because of these special brain structures, your decisions can become reflexive and simple, freeing your mind up for much more important tasks, and the risk of failure is reduced measurably. Imagine never having to enter an unfamiliar store, meet a potentially unpleasant new neighbor, or make love with a possibly more boring lover! Instead, your daily routine is determined by what worked best for you last time, and you can move along the road of life with your wheels safely guided by channels in the metaphorical pavement. You'll find your path down life's highway is much less chaotic if you use these comforting "ruts" to navigate safely.
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7.08.2008
Worry About Vermin
Like germs, vermin come in many shapes and sizes, and they can be a fruitful source of time-gobbling uneasiness. There's a saying about mice that also applies to cockroaches: "for every one you see, there's ten in the walls." Let me add to that: "for every mouse you don't see, there's probably one in the wall."
So unfetter your mind, and picture all those scrabbling feet tracking hantavirus and plague into your home. Just because you don't have vermin now doesn't mean you can't be aware of the possibility. They could show up at any time, really. Best bet is to prepare yourself by getting used to the idea.
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So unfetter your mind, and picture all those scrabbling feet tracking hantavirus and plague into your home. Just because you don't have vermin now doesn't mean you can't be aware of the possibility. They could show up at any time, really. Best bet is to prepare yourself by getting used to the idea.
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